CONVERSATIONS WITH GOD

Kerala's serene. Idyllic..A perfect place for some soul stirring. Maybe that's what prompted me to read stuff related to God, philosophy, ideology and the likes during my short vacation there a couple of weeks back. During the course of my impromptu philosophy binge, I came across this short article in one of the books....And my vacation ended there....The article read thus:

"There was once a rich businessman who lived in Egypt. He was extremely God-fearing and prayed five times a day. A man who always lived by God's principles, he took pride in the fact that he had never in his lifetime committed any of the seven sins. One day his gardener met with an accident. The rich businessman was also kind at heart. He took care of his gardener's entire medical expenses and also paid him some extra money. But the gardener could not work anymore. And so he was fired. A few years later the rich businessman passed away. In the corridors that lead to heaven and hell, God ordered his angels to send the businessman to hell. A visibly stunned and shaken businessman asked God, "O Lord, I've always lived by your principles. Always loved and respected everyone. Always given more than recieved. Never committed any of the sins. Why then O Lord are you punishing me thus??" God replied, "Son, remember the gardener you fired?? Ever wondered how he lived after you fired him?? He lived in extreme poverty. His three daughters turned prostitutes. I hold you responsible for four lives. Hence you shall, as per my wish, quite deservingly go to hell."

Now you guys read that right?? We're not going in for the moral of the story and stuff here but how ridiculous is that?? How can God be so inconsiderate?? Isn't that scary?? I'll tell you why I'm so worked up about the whole thing. I'm no atheist. I believe in God, quite strongly at that, just like other normal human beings.And so I'd definitely like to believe that this is how God functions. Now, the point here is, with that kind of background check I'm definetely going to hell. As a matter of fact, I'd make it to hell quite easily even without a background check. But how can God be so uncompromising?? Aren't we all supposed to be God's children and stuff?? Atleast that's what they taught us in school. It's one thing to read sms jokes about heaven having just the good climate and hell having all the cool parties. But this is reality. How on earth do we find a way to heaven through this strict screening process!!

O God....SIR....Isn't there a way out of this mess?? I know that I've sinned. But please show me some kindness. After all the stuff that I've done I know its a tough ask but.....I've always believed that you live naughty in your 20's and once you touch your 50's you turn spiritual and God-fearing and everything else that comes along with it to make up for the lost time. Isn't that how it generally works?? The tried and tested path to salvation and heaven and all that. But if that aint true, then I promise to mend my ways. I promise to change for the good. And i mean it. First things first, ill put myself immediately on a women-diet. Since a lot can happen over coffee, I'd shun those coffee dates as well. I promise to become one of those loving, caring and understanding things that women crave for. Will respect their emotions, feelings, remember their birthdays and give them free access to my credit cards. Break-ups will be a thing of the past and flings shall no longer exist.I promise also, not to touch alcohol in any form. Not even the extremely irresistable flavoured vodka cocktails. In extreme cases, I'd even promise to save the environment.This one aspect of my life, if changed, could possibly take me closer to heaven. And since I own the bragging rights here, this could be one of my only possible faults.

Desperate times call for desperate ideas and one such idea has just popped up in my cerebrum. GOD....how about if we shut down hell completely??? And instead You could probably hand out on the spot punishments..We go through punishments during the course of our lifetime for the mistakes we've committed and at the end of it we wouldn't need hell....!!! Coz we're already done with our quota of punishments. How's that for an idea???!!!! And if You'd still like to keep hell open, then kindly exclude the not-so-cruel kinds, which would include me by all means. And its not, by any stretch of imagination possible that hell would remain unoccupied due to that decision. Excluding a certain class of humans scientifically called CASANOVAS would infact prevent hell from having whatever miniscule percentage of fun that its dreaded croony inhabitants could have dreamt of. After all, everyone knows we guys are all about fun. At the same time we're innocuous as well. So technically, hell doesnt deserve us! It would as a matter of fact, create more space for the better deserving. The possibilities are immense. That entire neighbouring country of ours could go. Call it irrational logic, plain hatred or what you may. Most politicians from our country could easily go. And of course, Kareena Kapoor must go!!!

I guess that's it then. The philosophy has definitely worked on me. Atleast now I know what it takes to be a better human being. I'll learn to stay away from women, alcohol, to love mankind and to ultimately achieve the path to salvation and make it to heaven...........

"DEAR GOD, I'll go to hell. Just send my friends there. Thanks."
Luv-Shri...